TRUE STORY: The Scariest Thing in the World

There is nothing in the world more spine chilling than your three year child shouting from the other room,

“I’m sorry Mommy! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry Mommy! I’m super super sorry!”

and then (a) not being able to get her to communicate why she’s sorry,

and (b) not being able to find any apparent reason for her sudden, vehement remorse.

Because it means that one day in the near future I am going to find something horrifying that only a tyrannical three year old could think up – like maybe a whole container of laundry soap in the dryer. Or finger paint on the piano keys. Or Vicks all over the dog. Or fingernail polish art on the carpet. Or permanent marker Gene Simmon’s style all over her sister’s doll’s face.

I am currently accepting donations of wine and chocolate to be applied directly to my ongoing Mommy Sanity Care.

TRUE STORY: Stephen King ain’t got nothin’ on a toddler when it comes to scary suspense.

teal

TRUE STORY: It Was Only a Dream

I spent forty-five minutes this morning tearing the house apart, looking for the new purse and lap-top bag I’d scored for a heckofa discount. They’re kind-of matchey-matchey which usually isn’t my style, but I loved them and bought them anyway.

And now I can’t find them anywhere.

They are both blue with a sort of distressed finish, and the purse slings perfectly onto my shoulder. The lap-top bag has just the right amount of little pockets for all my stuff – one for my phone, one for my glasses, another for my sunglasses, and one for my pens and gum. And both have the cutest fabric lining the interior – a floral pattern that was exactly like the cupcake wrappers I used for Alice’s birthday party.

Wait a minute. Exactly like the cupcake wrappers I used for Alice’s birthday party?

Exactly like them?

Awww, crap. Crapcrapcrapcrapcraponacracker. It was a dream. I dreamed them SO HARD that I actually thought they were real.

Now I haz the sadz. Must medicate with more coffee.

TRUE STORY: If it’s too good to be true, it probably was a dream.

pink

Back Pain, Schmack Schmain

Bookiemonster book giveaway

I hurt my back last week. Again. And now, after a week of hobbling around and playing the up-and-down game of feeling a little better, pushing myself a little too hard, feeling a little worse, slowing waaaay down to feel a little better again,

I’m annoyed. And frustrated. And bored. And in desperate need of a little self-imposed happiness.

Know what makes me happy? When people give books as gifts. Know what else makes me happy? When people read my books. Know what happens when you add those two things together?

THIS.

*uses best Oprah voice*

YOU GET A BOOK! AND YOU GET A BOOK! AND YOU GET A BOOK!

*throws confetti*

For the next few days all of my books can be downloaded for FREE from Smashwords (click here) using these codes:

SHRILUGH (Book One of the Shrilugh Saga): HF43S

THE DARKENING (Book Two of the Shrilugh Saga): ED96Y

HANNA, HANNA, ONE-and-TWO: FY57H

Pick them up for yourself, give them as gifts, tell your friends about them. Share the happy! And I will just be here, icing my back with a little grin on my face because it feels like a little victory to do something positive in spite of feeling crap-tastic.

As always, loads of love,

olive