I’m proud of you. Proud that you’ve found a reason to get up in the morning. We all need a reason open our eyes, cram our feet into our pink bunny slippers, and stumble our way to the coffee pot.
Just in case your new reason for getting out of bed in the morning fizzles out, here are some other ideas that might help you face the glare of a new day with poise, grace, and a sprinkling of vengeance (’cause I have a feeling that’s how you roll).
*Bacon ice cream exists. It’s a real thing. Really, I could end the list here, couldn’t I?
*Some people say it’s easier to get out of bed in the morning if you place your alarm clock across the room. Screw that. I say, paint a target on the wall across the room, and when your alarm clock goes off in the morning, hurl The Evil Harbinger of the New Day at the target. You won’t be able to help but get out of bed to have a look at how good your aim was. Trust me. And the day that you finally hit the bull’s eye? That, my friend, will be a Red Letter Day.
*If you don’t get out of bed, the dog will pee on the carpet. This isn’t a glamorous reason to face the day, but it’s a Good Hardy Practical one. Sometimes that’s all a person needs.
*You know all the lyrics to Pat Benetar’s Hit Me With Your Best Shot. The world needs you.
*You don’t know all the lyrics to Pat Benetar’s Hit Me With Your Best Shot. Learning them should be your next priority in life. We’re talking prime karaoke mic time here, friend.
*Two words: Hemsworth Brothers. Almost as good as bacon ice cream.
*Somebody, somewhere has made a new Chuck Norris joke. And you don’t not get out of bed for new Chuck Norris jokes.
*Bacon ice cream. It bears repeating.
I hope that if your new reason for getting up in the morning fails you, these secondary ideas serve you well.
p.s. I really, really hope that it’s not my wall you’re planning on humiliating-post-bombing.